I originally started blogging as a way to keep myself accountable and to keep track of when my thoughts were slipping away from what I wanted them to be. Clearly, whenever my life gets crazy, this blog is the first thing that gets forgotten about, which is the one thing that it was supposed to help me overcome in the first place! That’s what I figured I’d write about today.
For some reason, I’ve realized that a lot of people in my life view me as someone who almost never follows through with things, especially when I was younger. I did orchestra, band, martial arts, tennis, shoot I did a whole bunch of things! Looking back, I can see why my parents may have gotten frustrated with my lack of follow-through. They invested time and money (more than I probably realized) into my newfound interests, only for me to get bored and “quit”. In my mind, I wasn’t quitting. I wasn’t swearing it off forever, I had just temporarily gotten bored and wanted to move on to the next shiny new thing. Years later, I’m finding myself wanting to pick those things back up because I remember how nice they were when I first started them.
One of my biggest problems, or obstacles, is procrastination. I think a lot of times that may be why people think they might not be able to rely on me as well because sometimes my depression causes me to forget about things or put them off for a while. No, I’m not using depression as an excuse, that’d be irresponsible and lazy. What I am saying is that sometimes mental illness causes what seems like a physical wall that prevents the person from being able to do something. My problem with that is the fact that a lot of times I want to do something, but my brain is foggy and won’t let me. It takes too much energy to actually get up and do that thing no matter how much I really want to do it.
Fitness is a perfect example. In my check-in post, I said that I hadn’t made time to work out as much as I
want need to. Even though I know for a fact it will make me feel better mentally and physically, I have trouble getting past the brain fog that keeps me from actually doing it. As a result, many times it seems like I quit something when really I just need to take a minute to pause and regain focus no matter how difficult that may be.
How do I plan to pause if depression makes me want to give up? Accountability partners! Just kidding. In all seriousness, accountability partners are a really good way to keep me up and moving. If I know I’m going to do something alone, I’m more likely to give up and let the brain wall win. If I have someone who I can set goals with and they help me find the motivation to overcome the wall, I’m 100x more likely to follow through with something.
Something else that may be beneficial is just breathing. I have a habit of stressing out over my incapability to do something and forget that I’m not perfect. I’m not going to be able to do something 100% perfect 100% of the time. Sometimes I just need to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that it’s okay if I modify something depending on my physical state.
Meditation is something I’m trying really hard to get back into. I have trouble focusing sometimes, but someone told me the other day that the point of meditation isn’t always to focus on something specific. Sometimes it’s just meant to be a simple check-in to see how you’re doing, mentally and physically. That really struck something in me, and now I’m going to try and see what’s happening with myself whenever I’m feeling a blockage.
This isn’t just something that’s important for people with mental illnesses that keep them from following through with things. It’s a commonly known fact that accountability partners help increase results, breathing can help with anxiety, and meditation can help with both. Now, I could be spouting something that may not need to be said, but again it’s mainly to remind myself that this is something I need. If it helps give you a reminder to find a partner or to spend more time with yourself, great! I’ll take that any day! But I won’t be upset if you find other ways to pause instead of giving up.